dangmattsmith via YouTube
The future looks dim
Leaving high school should be the most optimistic transitional period in a young person’s life. They can look at up at the sky and truly believe that there might be a better tomorrow. Not Katia Perez. To her, the future looks grim (or should we say dim?). Hey, self-deprecation is the best kind of humor and this girl is killing it.
Even though she could dim the settings, it wouldn’t stop her computer from throwing her some shade. Even when dim, her computer screen is still brighter than her future. We’d say she’d have better luck against her smartphone, but … the name itself is just a losing battle. Up next, a young woman surprises her mother with an award-winning smile.
OK, there’s always that one person who did the bare minimum in high school — the one who knew that passing with average grades was just enough to both get them by and just enough to see themselves graduate? Well, that’s Sofia Kaplan. Unlike most of her peers, perhaps Sofia saw right through the high school BS and thought living life to the fullest before adulthood was the first priority.
Nobody blames her. Frankly, maybe we can all be like Sofia. Assuming that was her motto during her high school years, why not just sit back, relax, and not take this whole education thing seriously? Heck, she surprised her mom by coming out of the “bare minimum” camp, why can’t anyone else? So, to all those A students out there, relax, roll those shoulders away from the ears, and follow Sofia’s lead.
And the Academy Award goes to …
Who said no one ever thanked the internet enough for helping all those high school kids grab those easy A’s (aside from everybody)? Not so for Stephanie! She’s showing where real love is, and that love is embedded in Google, Wiki, and Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V. We feel you, Stephanie. Sometimes, people just need a little technical support.
Technically, it isn’t cheating. Technically, the information is available for the public, and, technically, it’s not exactly plagiarizing if you don’t get caught (or call it paraphrasing). The future is bright (unless you’re Katia). Don’t worry folks, they’re only going to be your elective officials, nurses, and Social Security check-holders. No big deal. On to the next slide!
Say it like it is, girl
Why does this quote remind us of a line in Mean Girls? Diana Lopez is either throwing some serious Amanda Seyfried vibes or is throwing us some hardcore shade. To be fair, her expression does look like she’d say this line and make us all look and feel like a bunch of clowns. Wisdom is gifted to the chosen, and Diana possesses the blessed (or cursed) silver tongue.
Whatever the case, Diana is going to make it far in life with an attitude that screams “queen.” Watch her take on the world with words that smelt down metal with just a single utterance, a piercing look, and a hammering personality. With wit like hers, she could forge a blade that could cut and slay. Go get ’em, girl. We’re rooting for you.
Perfection is only a reflection away
For many, perfection is an elusive dream. We strive for perfection and most of us seldom accomplish such a feat. Of course, no one has ever met Alexander Gouon, who looked straight into a mirror and found absolute perfection. No one has seen such perfection within themselves since Narcissus looked into that water.
The next question here should be whether Hannah Montana would nod in approval at this gentleman’s blatant decree. Would this blonde-wig-waving girl who lives a double life pretending to be someone that she’s not, look at Alexander Gouon and think, “Yup, nailed it”? That decision we’ll leave to the readers.
Single moms know best
Who could tap into the life of single motherhood better than a young, pubescent, white, male teenager? Who else could accurately portray and represent such a figure? It’s quite obvious this young individual is the perfect ambassador for such a role. To be honest, adulthood might as well be something like being a single mom without kids.
Adults stop sleeping, work odd hours (which is never done after clocking out), they most likely have to work two jobs to support themselves and buy copious amounts of wine just to get through the week and into the next. Sometimes adulthood may as well be living as a single mom with no kids. Maybe this kid is onto something big. Bravo, Aaron.
We’ll give the audience a minute to settle down after the chuckle-fest they’ve just endured from reading this kid’s yearbook quote. Much like Barney Stinson’s signature quote, “It’s going to be legend — wait for it — dary,” this kid has found a fresh and funny way to say, “That’s what she said.” Could he possibly be channeling Michael Scott?
Perhaps Michael Scott is his guru, his mentor, the ultimate example of what it means to be a successful manager at a paper company. Then again, perhaps we’re reading too much into the quote. Let’s just appreciate his quote for what it is, which is pure genius.
Let’s go, Wildcats?
For those of us who remember the train wreck that was High School Musical, this quote strikes a chord inside our deepest, darkest memories. For those who are scratching their heads in confusion, High School Musical is a Disney musical centered around two teenagers who sing about their high school lives.
It’s depicted with breakout songs and choreographed dancing that made the experience of high school look “magical.” Of course, for Sage, she realized that high school was no walk in the park, or should we say dance? For what it’s worth, Sage, it’s over now. Go now and be free.
Why be woke when you can dream?
Ahead of his time or lagging behind? For many, this quote hits home big-time. What more can someone ask for than to preserve their dreams, aside from, obviously, staying in bed? Let the pillow be the very cradle in which your dreams are nurtured. Too much? Not for Men Chanvidorak. He believes anyone can achieve their dreams as long as their eyes are closed.
We’re left to wonder whether Men will follow his own advice. Maybe he’ll be the next Neo, or perhaps he’ll become a part of the next Inception. Whatever he chooses, we hope it’s just as unrealistic and unmotivated as his future.
Want to be a Ho?
Aw, come on, Michelle, you could have done better than that. Instead of, “I’ve been a Ho my whole life,” you could have said, “I’ve been a Ho my Ho life.” Add an extra “Ho,” and you’d be a hop, skip, and a train ride away from Santa. Regardless, we have to give Michelle major props for doing her senior quote justice.
I’m fairly certain her parents are taking one look at her yearbook photo and are either shaking their heads or cackling along with their daughter. Good for you, Michelle Ho. We know you have a bright future ahead of you.
Sweet dreams are made of these
It looks like Men wasn’t the only one who felt the future rests in sleep. Jessica Enciso believes that sleep is better sought than love. Think of it, a soft pillow, a fan blowing in the room with a comforter wrapped over your body like a cotton burrito … How could you not fall in love with falling asleep?
Although Jessica may be heading in the right direction with falling asleep instead of falling in love, what about those who have insomnia or trouble falling asleep? Is that the equivalent of forever being alone? Let’s not think about the repercussions here. Just close your eyes and let the cold grip of sleep take you to slumberland. Ah, true love.
The only cancer allowed is astrological Cancer
It’s hard to differentiate between Cancer and cancer. Cancer as in, like, only-six-months-to-live cancer, or Cancer moon rising? Because the two are extremely different — one is just downright horrible and the other will bring you positive fortune and advice. For this kid, there’s a clever way to marry the two (even that sounded horrible?).
Regardless, will this guy’s astrology reading save him from a bleak and uncertain future? Who knows? He can get his palm read or see the local apothecary and find a holistic remedy to ease stress, anxiety, and ward off evil spirits. Hope Mercury isn’t in retrograde.
All about the spuds
There may not be a lot of similarities between humanity and a Hobbit, but we can all agree that the commonality rests with potatoes, specifically, the french fries. We have to admire Xenia’s wisdom. Why go for bros and not for a little spud love? Can you dip guys in a pool of ketchup? No.
Can you drizzle truffle oil and chopped garlic on them to give them a little razzle-dazzle? No. If you said yes, please point your cursor to the address bar and type in “french fry fetish” (or don’t, your call). Anywho, Xenia is headed in the right direction. Or should we say the fry direction? We’ll escort ourselves out now.
Coming out wholesome
Congratulations to Maxwell Barrett for taking the cake and smashing it in our face. We sure feel like clowns now. Seriously, though, we’ve got to give it to Maxwell here. Whether or not he was being funny, or seriously coming out, we wouldn’t know, but what a way to make a cheeky comeback!
At least he can attribute to his orientation a fabulous wardrobe. Good on you. Be slick and chic and never apologize for it. Here’s to you, Maxwell, we hope your future is paved with the runway of success. Maybe give Heidi Klum a call or, dare I say, Tyra Banks? Both would be lucky to have you.
When teachers disappoint their students
OK, we can’t snicker about this senior quote. Though Oluwadabria is smiling on the outside, there is no doubt he is crying on the inside. There was always that one kid in our class who was subjected to a struggle-filled stutter by their teacher. This is likely a classic example. It’s OK, man. If people can learn to say Tchaikovsky, they can learn to say your name.
At least he’s out of the vicious name-calling cycle of the public educational system. There is power in a name least said and there is a thrill in knowing that you’re the only one who bears it. Wear it, embrace it, love it. It’s what made you, well, you.
What bad hair day?
It’s hard being a goddess. Can you imagine? Trick question, you can’t. Being a goddess means embodying perfection, and the only person who comes within one-tenth of an inch of that is Samiyah Cruel. Can we give her a round of applause for just being a flawless human being? Heck yes!
Pray tell, why are we celebrating her excellence? That’s because she’s the unofficial record holder for the only human being having a fabulous hair day e’ry day for four years, that’s why. Samiyah Cruel earned a slow clap today. Way to show excellence, way to take the first step into adulthood with two thumbs up. You deserve it, girl.
A Marvel Universe low blow
Peter Parker turning into dust after “the snap” was a blow to Spidey fans, but Spidey turning into dust in Iron Man’s arms? Freaking tragic. The wound is still tender. Leave it to Andrew Garfias to rub salt all over the wound until it’s raw. Who gave that final OK on his senior yearbook quote? We want answers!
Regardless, we suppose this is the very reason why this kid is a top contender when it comes to funny yearbook quotes (although, there is absolutely nothing funny about Spider-Man’s death). Anywho, we can tell Andrew is a big MCU fan and knew how to throw his punches to make his last year in high school memorable.
Regret dating me much?
Sure, most of us were snacks in high school, but who would believe us when we’re middle-class suburban moms driving minivans? Certainly not our own children. So, we take photos just to prove them wrong. Imagine one day, your kids saying, “Ew, Mom, why would you refer yourself as ‘hot,’ like, no.”
Well, all you gotta do is whip out that yearbook, and look them in the eye when you flip that sucker open to your fabulous self. The best part of the experience? You can do it all again when grandkids are in the picture. Think of the jaw-dropping reactions!
Just … what?
Where do we even start? OK. You do you, kid. Maybe take a break from toking that special grass and take it easy? The future may be yours for the taking, but at least take it past your neighbor’s yard. There’s a whole new world waiting to be explored. And, hey, maybe you can roll on that, too.
Roll on the sands of Bora Bora and pretend to be a starfish. Heck, why not go to Africa and pretend to be a lion? Don’t just limit yourself to a measly carrot in your neighbor’s garden. There’s a whole world waiting to be rolled on, you’ll see.
When no one notices your haircut
Another joke for the win. A round of applause for our girl, Ghufran Salih! We understand the struggle, hon. The gall of some people. If it helps, some people don’t notice a new ’do until two to six weeks after the cut. Give ’em time, girl, they’re bound to notice eventually.
Until then, keep doing what you’ve always been doing: slaying. You know you look fabulous without anyone having to praise you. You got this. After tossing that cap in the air, a whole new chapter is coming your way. You’ll see. The future is as fresh as your new do.
Another one bites the … nugget?
Unlike the previous slides, this one is just as odd as the others are funny and cheeky. Perhaps this gal is chartering her course to being a philosophy major? What does one do if awakened to find that one’s entire body is a medallion-shaped, crispy nugget? Perhaps a soggy nugget? Should this even be a question up for debate?
What are the specifications? Are you a flaky nugget from KFC, or perhaps a dino-shaped nugget that comes out soggy in the microwave? Is there a wheel of reincarnation for nuggets? How does one become the ultimate nugget? Is there nugget heaven? Too many questions left unanswered.
Can anyone measure up to royalty?
Excuse me, but, who are you? (Just kidding.) Seriously, this guy’s got to have the ultimate charisma and confidence to boldly state that he is even one-tenth better than Queen Bey. OK, sure, his hair is rad, and his smile can charm a cobra, but would Beyoncé want to embody a young, high school senior?
Maybe. No matter the audacity, we’ve got to give it to Nicholas for taking on the world with the kind of boldness that could smash through walls. Good for you, kid. It looks like you’ll go places, and hey, maybe you’ll meet Mama Bey herself.
Father knows best
Every parent wants to see their children succeed. For parents, success can come in the form of achieving a degree, or buying a house … for Daniel’s dad, it’s becoming a doctor. Of course, we all know Daniel is poking fun at two things: one, his dad; and two, the stereotype that all Asian people are striving to be doctors.
Way to highlight some good old-fashioned satire, Daniel. Don’t worry, we all feel for you. Just a heads-up, college is a lot more liberating and 10 times more exciting (plus, no parents breathing down your neck). Hope you make it, buddy!
Dad jokes for the win
Looks like Vincent’s dad is just as hardcore as our boy Daniel’s. Again, poking fun at the stereotype that Asian people are meant to be brainy and strive for the ultimate levels of success is the butt of the joke here. Let’s study the quote a little further and appreciate the joke.
Of course, whenever we bring home grades or a report card, we expect parental approval. In Vincent’s case, we can see his father was not taking anything less than perfection. As a Mexican American, my dad liked to say, “It’s Mexi-can, not Mexi-can’t,” so, I can understand the sentiment here.
‘Meet the Fockers,’ much?
Many of us anticipated a name like Gaylord to appear in a Ben Stiller movie, but when you put the name on a teenager trying to survive high school? Oof, it must be rough. Regardless, at least the poor kid can take a joke and leave a joke. We can’t help but snicker like the immature 13-year-olds that we are at heart.
Hey, look on the bright side, kid, if the name really bothers you, you can always change your surname to something else. It may be a major subject of debate within your family, but hey, once you’re 18, you can do whatever you want. Until then, enjoy the family legacy!
When high school is a zoo
We can only imagine what Helena Pourzand might have thought when entering high school. She probably imagined making friends, dating, and having the ultimate high school experience. Welp, it looks like she got more than she bargained for. Looks like her high school had a horrible snake infestation.
And yes, the snakes were most likely venomous and created a hazardous environment for our dear Helena. But let’s look at the bright side, at least she survived. They should immortalize her as “Helen the Snake Charmer,” or perhaps, “Snake Slayer”? In either case, the girl knew how to take care of herself. Now nothing can stand in her way.
The man, the myth, the legend
Let’s get one thing clear: This guy right here is not a fairy tale. He is not Amith, he is a legend. Akin to Hercules, Jason, Gilgamesh, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Amith is not messing around with his social status. We hear you, Amith. We hear it as loud as that conga drum you are about to beat, and we hear it in that mischievous smile that communicates to the audience, “You’d better believe it.”
Well, we do, Amith. When you get that diploma, promise us that you will walk this Earth with the same principles, beliefs, and values that you so dearly held onto in high school. This is what makes you such a legend — nay! — greater. You are not a myth, you are a G.D. hero.
Flight delays until further notice
Attention passengers, this is your pilot speaking: Due to an influx of flying idiots, we regret to inform you that we will be grounded until further notice. This may take a while, the local high school released a high amount of students with low IQs, according to a recent graduate. Thank you for your patience.
Poor kid. Imagine being the only fortunate soul with the brains to properly navigate his high school. A tragedy, we must say. But hey, thank the universe for setting this poor guy free. Maybe he’ll have better luck in college, where his genius would truly be appreciated. We’re rooting for you, kid. We’re rooting for you.
Michael Phelps got nothing on this kid
Most of us have — no doubt — a special talent. Whether it’s whistling between your fingers, communicating with your cat, or even, just simply, hearing a conversation across the Atlantic Ocean. Although it’s never nice to poke fun at someone’s physical features (honestly, don’t do it), this kid at least acknowledges he’s much more gifted than the rest of his peers.
Hopefully, he’s the kind of kid who gets into the FBI and becomes a part of Special Intelligence, putting those ears of his to good use. Can you imagine? Who needs earbuds when this kid is gifted enough to hear the next international scandal? This kid is going places. Well, assuming there aren’t strong winds in the weather forecast.
Don’t I know you from somewhere?
“Honey! Where’s my super suit?” has to be the greatest line in Disney history (of course, there are others, but come on). This kid knows what’s up. He’s essentially Frozone’s twin. For those of you who have yet to see The Incredibles, firstly, do you even parent? And secondly, do you not Disney? If you said no to both questions, YouTube is your new BFF.
Anywho. It’s thanks to this wonderful line that we pray this kid has some prolific career in media. Perhaps Disney could give him a call? At least get Samuel L. Jackson on the line and get this kid a job. In either case, at least he resembles a beloved Disney character, voiced by a beloved actor. Good luck, Frozone Jr.